Camel Spiders

_**Beautiful desert locations, earnest cast, bad script**_

A captain and sergeant (Brian Krause and Melissa Brasselle) bringing home the body of their comrade from Afghanistan unwittingly unleash several camel spiders in the Southwest desert that terrorize the people. C. Thomas Howell plays the sheriff, but is unrecognizable.

I’m an unabashed fan of Grade B creature features, but “Camel Spiders” (2011) is Exhibit A on how not to write a script. The movie starts with an action-packed sequence in Afghanistan (shot at Vasquez Rocks, just north of Los Angeles in the high country), but the filmmakers make the mistake of showing the oversized camel spiders right out of the gate, which destroys any sense of suspense. This isn’t helped by the cartoonish spider CGI.

How did these creatures get so huge? In real life the largest species grows to about 5-6 inches, including legs (although a rare few might grow larger). They’re nonvenomous, although their bite can be painful. Basically, they’re relatively harmless to humans. So how did they get so malevolent and fatal? The flick never explains.

The story then switches to the American Southwest wherein the captain & sergeant are curiously delivering the corpse via an Army truck (from the Korean War era). If you blinked you would’ve thought they were still in Afghanistan. Needless to say, the creators should’ve made it clearer that they were now in the USA.

From there the story becomes somewhat entertaining for a Grade B monster flick with a dash of black humor. The desolate Lone Pine area locations are magnificent (located in south-central California, about an hour drive from the Nevada border, which I point out because the film looks like it was shot in Nevada). Meanwhile the cast gives their best effort, but the characters are underdeveloped and so you don’t know them or much care about them.

Speaking of locations, the characters plainly say the events are taking place in Arizona, but the license plates all read ‘California,’ including the sheriff’s car. Glaring mistakes like this don’t make for good movies.

There are a couple good-looking females (e.g. Jessica Cameron as Ashley), but they don’t make “Camel Spiders” worth seeing.

The film runs 1 hour, 19 minutes.

GRADE: D+/C-